So yeah, I haven't written a real blog in awhile now, mostly because during the small amount of time that I do get to be online each day, I'm talking to my boy. But he's not home right now, which leaves me time to write about all the bizarre and interesting occurrences that make up the crazy existence known as My Life.

My grandma has been in ICU since Sunday night. The doctors STILL don't really know what's wrong with her, and thus have not prescribed any sort of real treatment... this means that she hasn't gotten any better since she's been there. In fact, she's gotten worse... They put her on a respirator today, when before she was just on a machine that helped her breathe through a mask. Since they know she'll fight to pull out the respirator tube (she's totally feisty - I love my grandma), she's unconscious most of the time. My grandpa's a nervous wreck - he's practically living in the ICU waiting room... I'm worried sick, but I'm trying not to let my fears consume me and take over my days. I KNOW that my grandma's not gonna die - she's only 65, and way too awesome for that... I have faith that she'll be alright, but I just wish it were sooner rather than later. So yeah, that's the main reason why I've been sad lately. That, and Sarah's not my friend anymore (apparently I'm not worth her time) and my sister's really mean. But yeah, I'm trying not to think about that stuff...

For those of you who haven't seen the movie Signs, GO SEE IT NOW! Or at least, go see it if you want to get the shit scared out of you... I saw it on Saturday, and I'm still having trouble looking out the window at night for fear that a big, ugly alien will be staring right back at me. Seriously, there were numerous parts of the movie where I actually screamed out loud (embarrassing, but sometimes I just gotta be girly), and the rest of the movie was spent with my hands over my mouth in fright. It starts out a little slow, but TRUST ME, it gets better. Plus, parts of it are funny, and it's interesting that most of the movie takes place in one house, but it's not really a problem. Kind of like Gosford Park... okay, maybe not like that since I haven't seen it, but whatever...

So the weirdest people come in to JCP and talk to me like they've known me for years - it's totally bizarre. I don't reveal to them that I'm a Psych major - they just KNOW. I swear, I've heard so many life stories that I've lost count. Yesterday there was an 83-year-old tacky cowboy (he had a bolo tie AND fifty gold chains on) who told me about his wife and how she died in '86, and how they have 8 kids, but it woulda been 9 if she hadn't miscarried on account of the Red Measles... Then he started babbling about how he'd really like to get remarried someday... I don't mean to sound uncompassionate, but why would he tell me these things? Would you ever tell a stranger, a complete stranger, that your wife miscarried? Apparently JCP employees are privy to this info, cuz a lady told Erick the other day about how she had like four miscarriages... Anyway, today was even better. This Belgian guy came in and asked me if we had any "double-layer coats." Exactly what those are, I'm not sure, and neither was he... but I showed him our coats and explained to him that "This is Florida, so the need for 'double-layered anything' isn't too great..." So after he gave up on finding The Coat, he totally started hitting on me. I swear, I'm way too nice, cuz I just stood there while he blabbed on and on about how he wants a girlfriend, and how he's lonely... He said he was 23, but he looked more like 30-35... He seemed like a nice guy, not cute AT ALL, but nice enough, so I let him keep talking... didn't wanna be rude... So then he says (the first indication that he was crazy), "I feel like I know you very well, so I can tell you these things..." And then he proceeded to tell me why he's in Florida. Okay, so get this: Apparently, he was seeing this Puerto Rican girl up in New York (where he's been living for the past 4 years). She moved to Florida and was working at Disney World... he kept e-mailing her, but uh-oh! No response! According to him, this meant that her e-mail must be broken, or she hadn't been able to get to a computer (at this point, the guy can still be considered just clueless). So then he (I'm sure with some straight-up stalker action) acquires her address and phone number in FL. He calls her, and she's not home... SO THEN, instead of just CALLING BACK, which is what a normal person would do... HE COMES TO FLORIDA TO SEE HER. Yep, that's right folks - this guy is psycho. According to him, it's just his luck that the day before he went to Disney World to see his True Love, she left for Puerto Rico on a Habitat for Humanity type trip... Ummm, I got news for him - she saw him coming, turned around and ran as fast as she could, stopping only to tell a friend to feed him this lie about Puerto Rico. Okay, so we've established that he is crazy, but it gets better for me... Psycho Boy asks me out! First he asks how late I'm working, then my schedule for the whole week, then what time I'm having lunch... After turning him down politely, very politely, many, many times, I was like, "Dude, I have a boyfriend." At that point, he looked like he was gonna cry, and then asked where he could buy some good dried fruit and nuts... Uhhhh... Okay... So to wrap this up, if you're crazy, and you're in Florida, come to JCPenney in Merritt Island and talk to me... the Young Men's dept seems to be a Mecca for you people...

Okay, so for those of you who hadn't heard, I'm coming back to SD on September 9th. That's only 25 days away! Holy crap... that's only three and a half weeks! It's all downhill from here! I'm so excited... I wish I could take my family with me, but other than that, I will not miss this place one single bit.

I'm still sad, but I'm doing better - at least I'm not crying anymore. Crying sucks - it's totally messy and makes you all ugly, with pink puffy eyes and a raw nose... yuck! I hope I never cry again!

Anyway, okay Rico and J-Lo, who I take to be Norm and Annie (perhaps Helen?) - fine! Just be like five million times more dateable than I am! It's okay, it's okay... I'm not gonna let this get me down!

I am sad.

Okay, SAD!!! I just took the "Are You Dateable" quiz on thespark.com and it says that I'm only 59% dateable! That means that 89% of the world's population is more dateable than I am!!! Sorry babe... if you're having second thoughts now, I totally understand :-P

hahaha - btw, my new buddy icon is freakin hilarious! Goodness I'm funny :-D

Church was so wonderful tonight... FINALLY I found a Lifeteen parish, and while it didn't even compare to St. John's, it was so much better than the non-Lifeteen masses. My boy said he's gonna start going to church again, which is so great... I'm not one to tell people that they should or should not go to church - you should do what feels right for you, I think. But now I'll have someone to go with, and it'll actually be the person that I want to be there with anyway :-) So yeah, on the way home from church I saw, no joke, the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen in my entire life. Now, I thought I'd seen some beautiful sunsets in my day - I love when the sun goes down in SD, and sometimes the colors are amazing in NorCal... I've seen the sun going down on the Caribbean off the coast of the Bahamas, and I thought that I'd seen some pretty sunsets in Florida... But this one was amazing. And the only way that I could explain it is that is was obviously a gift from God. So thanks God :-D That was great. I feel like it was an answer to my prayers, ya know? Like I was asking if things were gonna be okay, and if things would turn out right, and that was his response... Sometimes I really love my life.

I don't have to work until 5 tomorrow!!!

So I'm totally classy, as is proven by my chosen literature. I will enlighten you all with a few excerpts from my classic book of choice "The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love."
---"There are certain words and/or gestures that are the same in any language -- Mayday, visa, exit, okay, grabbing your throat to tell the world you are choking. You can no doubt think of other examples. Well, blowjobs are that way -- timeless, universal, always desired and appreciated. Everybody wants a blowjob all the time... Yes, indeed. Blow jobs make the world go 'round, just in case you still thought it was love. Everything that happens, good or bad, in the entire world, can ultimately be traced back to a blow job, either given or withheld."
---"One clever mom had discovered how to avoid the sticky mess that always occurred when she gave her children ice cream. She swore that they were just as happy with an empty cone! I recall thinking those must be some serious dumbass kids if they couldn't tell the difference between ice cream and no ice cream."
--Talking about vibrators: "It was touted as a cure-all for headaches, asthma, 'fading beauty,' and tuberculosis. We would like to offer our personal testimony as to the efficacy of these happy little machines: Our headaches are gone, our asthma cleared up, our beauty actually needs to fade a bit to make it safer for us to go out in public, and not one of the Queens has ever had TB. We must say, those vibrator manufacturers are some creative little buggers."
---"We had never even heard of a butt-plug, and here we were, faced with an entire butt-plug department in a retail establishment."
---"So she shrieks across the bank, 'Beester! If you don't get down from there and get over here right now (Beester's an out of control four-year-old, just so ya know), I am gonna blister your bottom!' To which Beester retorts, at the top of his little lungs from his highly visible vantage point atop the officer's desk, 'No, you won't neither! 'Cause if you do, I'm gonna tell Meemaw that I saw you put your mouth on Daddy's weenie!' Talk about your slam-dunk. Doesn't this kid have leverage forever? I'm talking bulletproof for life."
--And for my babe: "Under the brilliant beam of the streetlight stood... a nekkid man. Now, I say nekkid because that's what he was. There's a profound difference between naked and nekkid. Naked is proud, noble, graceful, without shame or the need for it. Nekkid is, on the other hand... well, it's nekkid."

So just a little tidbit of how classy I am and how classy my reading choices are... but I'm lovin this book - so freakin funny :-P Ya know what else is funny? That the two things discussed in this blog are church and the book I'm reading, which consists mainly of blow job and other sex jokes... haha :-D Good thing God has a sense of humor...

Note to self: Smokers, or ex-smokers in my case, do not make very good runners. God, how did I ever do it in high school... no, I take that back - it was way different back then. I ran every day and only smoked like one per day (during second period in the park... ahhhh, I barely ever went to school senior year. Leah and I practically lived on her tailgate in the park or downtown... no wonder I'm such a slacker now - I totally got away with it back then, I mean, look at the school I go to now - if I could never go to school and get into UCSD, just imagine what I could've done if I'd gone to class!). Ugh, I smell - this stench totally reminds me of the hot, sweaty, nasty smell of the wrestling room on Red Flag days... I wish Coach Keith were here to make me do Indian Runs till I drop... or Dave, for that matter - he was so hardcore... I hated it when he was in charge of Red Flag days, but afterwards I always felt sooooo good, like I was the healthiest, most in shape girl in the whole school. Yeah, I wish I could feel like that again. For now, though, I think I'll just take a shower...

By the way, thanks for your My So-Called Life sympathies and info Leigh! Good to know somebody else misses them some quality television. Which reminds me, Steve found me a Shirt Tales website (never occurred to me to look myself...) last night - so tight! I thought I was the only one in the world who remembered that show!