Every time I've gone to the bathroom today, I've forgotten to zip my fly... luckily nobody noticed (or actually, maybe that's not too lucky, cuz what if they did notice and just didn't say anything? Cuz one time it was down for a LONG ass time... so what if like ALL the customers just didn't want to say anything? Yikes... that's embarrassing...) So I was just noticing that "zip my fly" doesn't seem like a phrase that would be attributed to a girl. "Fly" is much more of a guy's word...

Dude, I'm so retarded - I forgot to pick up my paycheck today! Who does that!?! So now I have to wake up early tomorrow morning so that I can go pick it up and then cash it... Wells Fargo doesn't have branches out here, so looks like I can't deposit my check - I'll just have to cash it and then figure out where to go from there. So tomorrow I'm gonna pick up my army boots, send Ashlee a birthday card and some moola, buy the stuff for myself and my bro that I have on hold at JCP, then go to work... 12:30-9 again in the Jrs. dept. Shitty.

HOLY SHIT, MY FEET HURT!!! I'm actually limping! I know, I know - boo hoo. But still, this is my blog and if I want to constantly bitch about the same things, that's what I'm gonna do. My back hurts too... not the whole thing, just this one area in the middle on the left side.

Okay, so let me talk a little bit about the most twisted movie I've ever seen - it's a movie with Matthew Lillard called The Curve. It's like a super fucked up Dead Man on Campus... My mouth was literally agape (haha - that's a funny word to say...) at numerous parts during the movie, and I didn't even see the whole thing. I've never seen Matthew Lillard play a not sick part, and Shaggy on Scooby Doo doesn't count... not sure why, but it just doesn't or else I wouldn't be able to make that point... But yeah, to think that there are people like that in the world really upsets me. And sure, it's not a true story, but somebody had to think of it... somebody actually came up with that sick and sadistic script. And then a bunch of other sick people said, "Hey! This looks really good - we should totally make this movie!" And then the actors all said, "Sweet! This is such a good idea for a movie... I'm so proud to be working on this project." And then sick people like me actually sit through the whole movie in order to completely absorb how fucked up it really is... cuz you don't know just what I'm talking about till the very end. So yeah, faith in the world was lost for the hour that I sat in front of the TV and watched The Curve...

So coolest thing ever - I was talking to Nikki, this girl that I work with, and she was saying something about her fraternity. My first instinct was to correct her in my mind and assume that she meant sorority, but then I realized that I'm retarded and I HATE it when people say, "Oh, don't you mean sorority?" As if I don't know what kind of group I belong to??? Anyway, so then I asked her what fraternity she's in, and she said, "Oh, it's called Alpha Phi Omega." And then it was over - I was so freaking excited... we're brothers! How freaking cool is that!?! Yeah, I think it's so awesome... and we were talking about our bigs and how we're both twins, and I told her she has to go to Nationals... it's a small world. I mean, I think Nikki (she goes to Florida State University - the Iota Rho chapter... I checked out their website, cuz i'm a dork, and dude - no wonder Rho Pi wins awards for our website... this one was totally shitty - propz Eddie and Daryl), me, and one other girl are in college - all the rest of the girls who work at JCPenney are in high school. So what are the odds that we'd belong to the same fraternity? I don't know, maybe they're not that slim, since APO is international and all, but I still think it's super cool. I forgot to ask her how their families work in her chapter, but if perchance she's an Omega, then that would just be the icing on the cake. It's funny, though, because I wasn't too impressed with her before that. I mean, I thought she was nice and cool and all, but I didn't think, "Now there's a girl I would totally be friends with outside of work." But as soon as she said she was a member of APO, I totally thought she was five million times cooler.

I'm going to Sea World on Sunday! Very exciting...

My brother's birthday is on the 10th, and I picked out a tight outfit for him at JCP... I'm paying way too much, even with my discount, but he deserves it. Well, kind of... I also want to buy him some sort of charm or medallion that has protection qualities - like a Saint Christopher medallion or something like that. I'm so worried about him all the time - he does not need to be putting himself constantly in danger the way that he does. He's a firefighter for the Mendocino National Forest during the summer - I think this is his third summer doing it. Anyway, his company has eight guys and two engines... Really early Sunday morning, five out of the eight guys were in an engine and it rolled down the side of a mountain. Only two of the guys lived... I try not to think about how dangerous my brother's job is, but when stuff like that happens it's hard not to... I went to church so that I could pray for the boys who died and to ask God to continue protecting my brother. He's had so many close calls, and I choose to attribute them not to luck, but to the Grace of God. I hate it that Ian and I aren't close anymore. It makes me soooooo sad that I can't talk to him anymore. But I still love him with all my heart - he's such a wonderful person. I can't believe he's gonna be 22 in a week or so... I remember when we were really little and we used to go to work with my dad. He owned a company that made cat furniture (I think he was the only employee...), so Ian and I would go to his workshop and play with the air compressor and wood scraps and stuff like that. Sometimes we'd spend the night in our van outside the shop, and in the morning we'd walk over and get donuts and chocolate milk. Yeah, me and my bro - we used to be best friends... now he doesn't really have time for me, which hurts, but it's okay... I just miss him. And I wish school would start so he'd stop fighting fires...

I'm so jealous of all the kids going to Club Rubber tonight... they better have twice the fun so that they can project some of that "good time" energy on me the next time I talk to them - God knows I need it.

Okay, sad! Did you know that the Alpha chapter of APO at Lafayette College is inactive? I'm sure Mr. Frank Reed Horton would be terribly disappointed! I hope we didn't learn that during our pledge period or anything... if so, sorry Steve :P

I get paid Friday! Finally I'll be able to reap some of the fruits of my labor! Well actually, not really... cuz I'm overdrawn a lot on my bank account, so as soon as I deposit the check, a lot of it will go away. Then I have to send Ashlee $60 for the last phone bill (the check I wrote bounced... I'm so irresponsible), and then hopefully there'll be enough leftover for me to buy some new glasses - there's a big sale at JCP right now, and since I get a discount it's only like fifty bucks for a complete pair. Oh, and I put a pair of army boots on hold at the military surplus store - I've wanted a pair for as long as I can remember... I don't know what I'll wear them with, but at the very least I'll wear them around the house and feel super cool. :P

So I know I shouldn't be jealous of my cousins, but I totally am. My grandma took them back to school shopping, and my selfish ass couldn't stop thinking, 'When do I get to go shopping?' I feel bad because nobody owes me anything, and I know that... but this whole paying for everything myself thing totally licks ass. Nobody seems concerned that I don't have any work clothes, and nobody seems very concerned that I haven't seen Stuart Little 2. I just feel like I don't get any attention here, and that kind of upsets me... I'm an attention whore! Plus, it bothers me that nobody recognizes the fact that I'm financially independent. Sure, I might be swimming in an ocean of debt, but I never ask anyone for money. I don't ask for help because I know how much people resent it when they have to help you financially. I got myself into debt and I can take care of it eventually, but nobody in my family even knows how much debt I'm in cuz they don't care. I realize that I'm in college and that I'm an adult... but a little support every once in awhile wouldn't hurt. Actually, I'm doing fine without their money, but what I really, really, really, really want is for my mom and my grandparents to say, "Hey Erin, you're doing a really good job taking care of yourself. Ian and Sooni ask for money all the time and we're constantly having to pay for them - but you're very adult about taking responsibility for yourself." That would be cool, and soooooo easy for them so say! It wouldn't be a problem if they didn't still act like they take care of me... like when I told my mom that I'm going to South Africa, she was like, "Well how are we going to pay for that?" Ummm, WE? WE don't pay for anything. I pay for everything that isn't covered by financial aid. The Expected Family Contribution as determined by the government and UCSD is around $600 a year... I haven't asked for that money from my mom, and I haven't gotten it. AND she ALWAYS lags when it comes to my FAFSA, and acts like it's a big fucking hassle for her to fill out her part. Okay, does she realize that if she doesn't do it, then her part will be a whole hell of a lot greater than $0? Aaaaahhhh!!! Just thinking about it drives me crazy, and I've been wanting to rant about this for a LONG time, which is why I'm rambling now. I'm just really frustrated and overwhelmed by being on my own all of a sudden... and I'm confused as to why nobody seems concerned about me at all. Hey! Remember me? :(

Okay, so John Mayer is the new love of my life. "Comfortable" is my new favorite song - he's totally keepin it real (Matt Bentz style, yo). But once again, I'm missing out by being in FL - he'll be in SD sometime in mid-August, and I would SO be first in line to go... except I'm in this stupid state. Poo on Florida. John Mayer's songs completely apply to situations that I've been in or feelings that I've had, but most of them are kind of sadder or about love, but more after-the-fact... so right now, I can't really quote any lines to show how I'm feeling, cuz I feel wonderful.

So you wanna know a weird and fun fact about me? I can't be in a bathroom with the shower curtain closed unless I'm taking a shower. If I go in there for any other reason, I have to open the shower curtain to make sure that there are no killers hiding in the tub. But okay, ready for the really weird part? I even have to open the curtain if it's see through... like if there were really a person, I'd be able to see him anyway, cuz the curtain's clear. But I have to open it anyway... not sure why, I guess just cuz I'm a freak like that...

My poor, poor feet... I feel that I can't complain enough about them. The tips of my toes are numb... do you think that's bad?

I was watching First Knight, and if you watch in the background during the fight scenes, you can see extras that are totally not convincingly fighting at all... they're very nonchalant about hitting each other - it's really funny.

Only like FIVE WEEKS! till I go back to SD! Only FIVE WEEKS till I get to see my boy! When I think of it in terms of weeks, it really doesn't seem that long to me, so I'm trying to stay positive.

I got my passport today! Horrible picture, but I knew it would be, since you have to get those before you turn in the application. The girl offered to take them over again, but I was in such a hurry that I decided I didn't care... kind of regretting that now... But I'm stoked to have a passport. It makes me feel very worldly, like a real world traveler... granted, I haven't gone anywhere yet, but I COULD, now that I have a PASSPORT :P

Okay, I lied... I'm gonna quote some lyrics, cuz I think that this is one of the best song verses ever:

Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it
---John Mayer, "Your Body Is A Wonderland"

I worry too much... I need to just take a step back and relax.

Hey cute boy - when I get bored at work, I write letters to you on register tape :P By the time I get back to SD, you're gonna have quite a collection of JCPenney receipt papers... But yeah, it'll just be physical proof that I'm thinking about you constantly and that I miss you (more). OMG! I think Bosley's sleeping! I TOTALLY WIN!!! hahaha - poo on you three! I'm about to pass out, but I'll be dreaming about you... maybe we can fight in my dream???

Blah blah blah blah blah

hahahahahahaha

Rabbits still aren't sleeping... but they know they want to!

Nothing to say, cuz you already know. You know I miss you. You know I think about you always. You know I'm taking things one day at a time, and soon I'll be back in your arms. And I know that's where I belong.

I don't know why I ever even bother looking on ticketmaster.com - I always just end up getting upset. Saves the Day, Dashboard Confessional, RENT!!! - all things that are playing when I'M NOT THERE! Grrrr! And then there's this freaking awesome street music festival right when I'm hoping to get back, but the first two days are 21+! Again, Grrrrr!!! Norm says I might be able to get in anyway since all of us Asians look alike anyway... true, true... that would be awesome, but then I'd have to ask myself if I really want to spend $70 to go on Friday and Sunday (Saturday's not looking so hot lineup-wise)... Okay, yes, I'd spend that much... check out the Street Scene website if you get a chance: http://www.street-scene.com/lineup.html Warped Tour and Tom Petty are both gonna be in FL, but I don't have anyone to go with :( So I guess I'll just keep on listening to my mp3s... my collection is so sad, by the way, since I had to start over when I got here... so if anyone has any music to suggest, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Soooooo jealous of people who get to go to parties... when I get back to SD I'm gonna drink myself into a week-long stupor to make up for my so sad summer sobriety (that was alliteration, for those who did not recognize the literary device I just employed... Gah, AP English bites me in my dorky ass!)

My aunt's cat let me pet her! Doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's a HUGE deal, cuz she NEVER lets ANYONE pet her except for my aunt... I think I can communicate with animals. No, honestly, I really believe this... oh, you didn't know I was a freaking weirdo? Welp, now ya know (and knowing is half the battle).

I work from noon-9:30 tomorrow... my feet are gonna HATE me!

I miss my penguin! (Even if he is delusional about who would win in a fight between penguins and gators...)

So it looks like maybe my family's not going camping, which is cool. They're talking about just waiting until they can rent a trailer for cheap (cuz my aunt's a big shot in the army, so she gets some major discounts) because my grandma has a bad back and sleeping in a tent isn't seeming very attractive to her. So I probably won't have to be home alone for a week! Yay! Cuz I know that wasn't gonna go very smoothly...

My cousin Scott (the 6-year-old) totally loves Norm - he thinks he's the funniest guy in the whole world. Lately when I talk to Norm on IM, Scott runs over every time he hears the little message sound and goes, "What did he say!?! WHAT DID HE SAY!?!?!?!" until I tell him what we're talking about. Then he proceeds to laugh as if it's the funniest thing he's ever heard in his life - so great. Scott asked what his name was, and when I said Norm, his eyes got really big and he said, "I have a penguin in my zoo named Norm!!" Then he told me that he has two alligators named Erin and Sooni - Sooni's the girl and Erin's the boy... GRRRR! Oh gosh, and then when Norm told Scott that he has guns and knives, it was just over. Now Scott asks me about the guns and stuff... again GRRR! Cuz what am I supposed to tell him? Like I know anything about guns!?! Oh well, he'll forget about it in a few minutes - attention spans of children are infinitesimally short.

This girl that I work with, Jessie, really bothers me. And I'm not the only one, so I don't feel bad - this guy Erick stops talking and walks away whenever she's around, and the old black lady, Margie, talks so much shit about Jessie - it's freaking hilarious. Anyway, when she introduced herself I was reading on my lunch break, so she asked me what I was reading. Later, while we were working, she was asking me who my favorite authors are, so I told her that I really like Kurt Vonnegut and Stephen King. So then she says, "Oh my goodness! I love Stephen King too! I didn't want to read one of his books cuz I don't like to conform - I'm a punk - but once I read one, I was totally hooked!" Okay. I don't understand people like her. If you have to tell people that you don't like to conform and that you're a punk, doesn't that kind of make you a conformist? I mean, if you're saying that you don't want to be like everyone else, but then put yourself into a relatively popular category of people... does anyone else think this girl automatically discredited herself and basically said, "I'm retarded" by labelling herself after claiming she's not down with labels? Then I asked her if she was into the local punk scene here in FL, cuz I miss going to shows so I figured I'd check out some of the local bands. She said she didn't know anything about the local scene... Okay. If you're going to call yourself a punk, then shouldn't you display some, if not all, of the characteristics usually associated with the punk genre? Such as... listening to punk music? And may I add that if you're not down with conforming, then you probably don't want to listen to the more mainstream bands, which is why the independent punk scene is so big... but we've already established that she doesn't listen to local music... so what's up with that? I know I'm rambling about this girl, but wtf? She just pisses me off because not just the first time, but EVERY time she talks to me she talks about how she's not down with conforming and conformists (I think perhaps she just learned a new word and wants to stick it into her vocabulary?) and how she wants to get this pierced and that tattooed (but she hasn't done anything yet... so blah blah blah, keep talkin). Dude! Freaking just be yourself! Quit trying to fit into some category just to impress people, cuz nobody CARES! I like punk music, but I like mainstream pop music too. I read a lot of books that nobody's ever heard of, but I read classics too. Does that make me a "conformist"? Maybe... but I DON'T CARE! Cuz nobody can ever accuse me of being someone I'm not. So I guess the gist of this blurb is that there is always danger in interacting socially with others - most of the people I work with are really cool... but this girl! Grrrr!!! Luckily, we don't usually work in the same area, so I can pretty much avoid her most of the time. Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system... time for lunch. Ranting makes my stomach grumble :P